Recently I heard bout a breakup. I know both the guy and the ger. I am closer to the guy but I personally am very against what he did. He broke up with the ger on the first day of exam. It is true that you should be frank to her once you know its impossible but please..... use ur brains and reason. Use ur heart to feel...

The first reason why i was so against his actions was that he is a dean lister and he should know the impt of studies. How can he ever ever do that to her? Have he considered the emotional turmoil he is putting her thru? He cant remember all the beautiful times they have spent together?? That cant last them thru even for that 2 weeks? The reason u used to like her is not valid animore??

The second reason was that he witness what i went thru, how I was totally shattered after my recent breakup and how I cried. I told him how sad i was and i told him neva ever to do what my ex has done to mi. He patted my head and ask mi not to be sad and with that sympathy in this eyes, i really thought he understood and now i am furious coz obviously he din! he does not have a heart coz he din care. He wouldnt care even as a fren.

How could he have just fallen for another ger? Teenage infatuation?

I dont know how the ger can forgive him. Coz if i am her i cant and i will not even attempt to. My ex and I have broken up for more than a month but if he told mi now that he has found another gf, i will be so furious with him i will cast him outta my life. I will not forgive him in the near future regardless of how generous i am and i will not see a need to be gracious.

I dunno how the ger is feeling rite now but i hope that she is coping well and she is smiling once again. Time will heal everything. Trust me coz i have just been thru that! After some time, u feel numb and gradually the hurt and the pain disappears. The brain remembers but everything that is detrimental to urself disappears. For mi, the hurt is disappearing and i can see it gone soon. I hope it applies to her too! All the best ger!

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Today i met up with my ex-bf. I had all my doubts cleared up. I feel relieved all of a sudden. Went to read all the things I have said in this period of time (previous blog entries) and I realised that some things i said were just words of anger. I will still leave them there for memories sake.

What I really want now is that we can both be happy with our way of life. As I have said I have short term memories for bad things so I have erased the bad memories that was left. I am happy for his aspirations in life and his small little changes in perspectives. Guess we will be good frens from now on. :)

Really glad to learn so many things today.

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Yesterday i arrive in double o and i was so damn shock. My bestest fren in the whole arranged an "unofficial matchmaking session" with multiple guys for mi! I was like what the f***! Think i no guys is it!!!! hahaha.... She was really so funny but i appreciated it coz it was a super dupor fun nite! Actually by midnight i was already high and floating in the air.

I saw mr pine tree.. actually i saw him at bout 1130pm but i thought its his twin bro so i din call him. He look so different under the light. hmm... yesterday i was really really way too wild I hope i din scare him.. haha... he must be like "neva expect jo to be like tt"

Anyway it was really fun. The first time i really got so wild since god knows when. Cant really remember how much i drank but i knew that it was an hr of non stop drinking. Shit man i suck at five ten. The bdae boy din get drunk but mi and marg did. hahah.. Thanx everyone for taking care of me last nite and sorry i din pick up the calls and reply the messages of concern, I was just way too drunk!

Lastly let me tell you something disgustin yet funny. Yesterday while i was puking and tryin to get all the shit outta me by the toilet bowl, i was actually checking out what i vomitted. Some black stuff which i din eat... ewwwww....gross rite! hahaha... alrite... hope that din affect ur appetite! have a good lunch everyone!

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Exams has ended. Its all over now. hmm... suddenly I have lotsa time to think. Think bout what? I dunno. haha... Suddenly I just feel alot better. Maybe I wont do well at all for this exams but i did try ny best. Think I am a bit lame ah... always giving myself excuses to not do well... Everytime an exam ends, I feel that another chapter of my life has ended. No turning back, just memories.


Well I hope I will be able to enjoy myself today. Suddenly feel so tired. Seems like a long time since i last rest- lie down on my bed, do nothing and space out. Think I will do just that. I need my own private space now to rethink and recollect myself.

Oh yeah... hahah.. Some time back I got to know this guy in the library. Hmmm.. we got to know each other by chance since he is dickson's fren. From then, we kept in contact. Kinda funny isnt it? Joanne knowing someone in the LIBRARY! haha... yesterday mr library got me some snack and i was shocked + touched + shocked + shocked + shocked +......... Kinda sweet. Well.. appreciate it! At least he woke mi up.. hahaha *Winkz*

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Hey peeps....double O on friday 18th November k! Ask as many ppl down as possible. We will drink and dance till we drop!!!!!!!

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Went to O bar for a little while just now... chill out and chit chat abit. Didnt really drink since I drove. Guess what....My shoes broke AGAIN! Yes and this makes it 2 times this week. Bloody hell!

Something really funny happened.. I was at the dance floor for like only 5 mins when these few guys came behind mi and within like 3 mins I felt sth on my waist! Pukez...... I thought it was the hands of one of the fatty (not that i am mean, his fats were really overflowing lah!)... When i wanted to turn around to f*** him, I saw a not too bad looking guy.. but anyways I said "not interested" and I left for home. Cool rite.. hahaha

Oh yeah people.. recently quite a number of people ask if I am on diet. Hmmm.. actually am not k... just cant get the food dont mt throat. Hmm well its better this week already. I ate macs, hotcakes with sasuage, for breaky today. I think its just the stress from exams. I weighed today, din really slim down alot mah... dunno lah... make mi feel so paranoid. Actually slimming down is also a good thing mah.. make mi look prettier and got "muo gui ban sheng cai"... hahah dont puke hor!!!!!

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Yesh it is only 1130pm and I am feeling super restless. Have been slackin for the past one hr... my gosh! What the hell am i doin! haha....

Hinted my lethargic-ness to my fren and manage to lure my dear fren to accompany me!

*laughs* pretty evil! hahah........... haha... alrite alrite i wont do this again!

Your bee-u-ti-ful name here :D

Well the night at phuture wasnt that good afterall. Anyway i didnt go to zouk....just hung out at phuture. Maybe its PMS.... Abit of mood swing. Luckily for me, me frens were patient. Hmmm.... utter lotsa nonsense last nite, cant remember the details but i hope its nothing important. Kinda embarrassin though. Sorry people.

Joanne did lotsa crazy things this period of time and maybe she will never regret all these. Its thru all these that she learnt more bout herself.

1. I cant remember hatred and anger i have for one person. This seem to be a good thing to many but think again, if u shut all the bad things a person did before and forgive him/her, he/she might hurt you once again. That night i was rationalizing, then i figured i have forgotten most of the bad my ex did and I have accepted the reasons he gave.

2. I cant accept reality that is against my thinking, stubborn. I chose to complicate things when they are actually very simple to understand. When all evidence pointed in a certain direction, i chose to follow my heart and deduce otherwise. Super unwise move.

3. I am TOO easily convinced. This is the worse. I just lose my stand and give in when people beg me or they are abit nicer to me.

4. I am lost for a long time, I am unsure of what I want in life. I reflected today and I realise that one and a half years ago, I ended a 3 year relationship and to many this might not be that long. I lost the faith and the hope I used to have in relationship and I changed. People who are close to me should be aware of the drastic change. Maybe I was too engross with "the change" that I didnt have time to reflect my doings. I shant talk bout the change. The recent happenings made me wake up from my sleep. I began reflectin and I started thinkin bout the life I want, the life I used to go after a long long time ago. That was the purest and that was what i truly wished for. I am still lookin for an answer. I hope I find a good one.

There are lessons learnt too.

Lesson 1: If you truly care for him, free him. This is actually lesson re-learnt. Let him lead the kind of life he yearn for and let him find his happiness. If 2 person are fated to be together, they will be.

For the past 7 or 8 years, I have always been soon huat's shelter (my first bf). Whn he quarrel or break up with his gf, he will come to me. I definitely dont feel for him anymore but I remember the promise I made to myself (to be always there for him), and so i keep my promise. I will be there to listen and help no matter what.

Lesson 2: Nobody can affect you more than yourself.

Lesson 3: There is more to life. Just one minor setback should never change you. Instead it should make u stronger and wiser.

Lesson 4: Never promise when you are unsure.

PART 2
Analogy: Because of a moment of impulse, I bought a cue. The outlook is not too bad and I like the feeling of holding it. I can see that its going to brace through many many competitions with me. I did not look at the brand and the records of its manufacturer coz I thought my instincts cant be wrong.

After a few games with my newly acquired billard cue, I notice something wrong and I found out that the cue is bent.. so sad....sobz... I sent it back to where it belong and the seller told me that he would exchange another for mi or I have to wait for 2 weeks while he put some weight on the cue and let it straighten by itself.

I look at him and told him instantaneously, I will wait since I really like that cue and its fated we found each other. The seller shook his head and added, "Cant you see there is a flaw and I am not sure if I can make it right? Why not just choose another one? Save yourself the trouble and save me the pressure?"

Surprised by his words........... blink blink..."hmmmm... *ponders*"

*To be continued....*

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Yeah right... bout the blog entry on sun... i didnt mean what i say ah. I was just too traumatised by the nightmare. I will keep all the good memories well and never will forget the happy times spent. I will remember the feelings but dont worry, I wont keep them.

Am ok already.

* For those who read my blog and smsed mi, thanx for the concern. I am alot alot better now. :)*

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I just finish my 307 paper 4 hrs ago!!! I was so so nervous. My hands were trembling and the words just werent making sense. I think I took bout like half an hour to settle now. Though i didnt know how to do a few question, the paper was overall ok.

Ok 2 papers down and 2 more to go. Half my stress is gone!! haha... craving to watch movies.. been quite a while since my last movie (the boring korea show Summer Snow or sth). Legend of zorro, harry potter, flight plan and so so many more. Talking bout movie, i was chatting with my fren online and he has the chicken commercial (in cinema) as his pic. Quite cool. Reminded me of someone's laughter when he sees that commercial, wonder if he still does that now.

Anywayz.. I have a good day so far and I am quite happy today. Will be going to zouk later. Dunno what to expect but i hope its a good good night!

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I had another of my usual nightmare again...woke up with my heart poundin and my mind in a mess. I will never get use to these nightmares and I hope it will stop haunting me soon.. god please help me, let me get over this. Take away the memories, be it good or bad. I dont want to look back anymore. Whatever lessons there are to learn, I have learnt them well.

I will not hate and i will not avoid cause afterall he is someone who has shared happy times with mi. He can be regarded as someone who understands me quite well. Maybe if we havent started out in the first place we would have become close frens. I hope that he would not be just another passing cloud of my life. There must be more than just learning lessons when 2 person meet and experience so much together.

Just to make clear to many out there. I am sad not because I still harbour any hopes of getting together but because I sense that we would be outta each other life. Am afraid that 2 years down the road, there will just be vague memories of the existent of each other. I keep in contact with my ex bfs because i treasure what existed so i hope that this will be the same too. The future I saw is all gone now. Maybe there are still some memories but i am going to pack them up and store them in one little corner of my brain. I just need more time to further compress these memories.

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On Monday, something happened and i was really surprised. Had a conversation with LQ and he appeared at my door with the chocolate and sweets i used to like and a packet of tissue paper. Being a man of few words, he passed mi the things and left.

Surprise 2, had a nightmare yesterday morning and was bothered by it the whole day. Then I had another conversation with him and he came over again. Studied abit and we started to chit chat. He is still so him haha.... Thanx for being my shelter once again. We talk about us, the past and so many things. I never thought we would talk so much again. *though i am the one talkin most of the time. Get rid of that shyness in you!*

I seriously think i have short term memory. I cant seem to recall what exactly happen between us. I cant really remember how angry or disappointed i was in him. All i remember is specific events that happened. I didnt take down the bad things that happened. Hmmm... He told mi i sounded real fierce when we quarrelled. haha.... I didnt know he would stop and wait for me even though many oportunities came by and i didnt know what i said affected him so much. Haha.... I take all the words back.

All in all, I am glad i din shut him outta my life. Afterall he took up 1/7 of my life till today.
*will keep by what i say k... :)*

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