Well the night at phuture wasnt that good afterall. Anyway i didnt go to zouk....just hung out at phuture. Maybe its PMS.... Abit of mood swing. Luckily for me, me frens were patient. Hmmm.... utter lotsa nonsense last nite, cant remember the details but i hope its nothing important. Kinda embarrassin though. Sorry people.

Joanne did lotsa crazy things this period of time and maybe she will never regret all these. Its thru all these that she learnt more bout herself.

1. I cant remember hatred and anger i have for one person. This seem to be a good thing to many but think again, if u shut all the bad things a person did before and forgive him/her, he/she might hurt you once again. That night i was rationalizing, then i figured i have forgotten most of the bad my ex did and I have accepted the reasons he gave.

2. I cant accept reality that is against my thinking, stubborn. I chose to complicate things when they are actually very simple to understand. When all evidence pointed in a certain direction, i chose to follow my heart and deduce otherwise. Super unwise move.

3. I am TOO easily convinced. This is the worse. I just lose my stand and give in when people beg me or they are abit nicer to me.

4. I am lost for a long time, I am unsure of what I want in life. I reflected today and I realise that one and a half years ago, I ended a 3 year relationship and to many this might not be that long. I lost the faith and the hope I used to have in relationship and I changed. People who are close to me should be aware of the drastic change. Maybe I was too engross with "the change" that I didnt have time to reflect my doings. I shant talk bout the change. The recent happenings made me wake up from my sleep. I began reflectin and I started thinkin bout the life I want, the life I used to go after a long long time ago. That was the purest and that was what i truly wished for. I am still lookin for an answer. I hope I find a good one.

There are lessons learnt too.

Lesson 1: If you truly care for him, free him. This is actually lesson re-learnt. Let him lead the kind of life he yearn for and let him find his happiness. If 2 person are fated to be together, they will be.

For the past 7 or 8 years, I have always been soon huat's shelter (my first bf). Whn he quarrel or break up with his gf, he will come to me. I definitely dont feel for him anymore but I remember the promise I made to myself (to be always there for him), and so i keep my promise. I will be there to listen and help no matter what.

Lesson 2: Nobody can affect you more than yourself.

Lesson 3: There is more to life. Just one minor setback should never change you. Instead it should make u stronger and wiser.

Lesson 4: Never promise when you are unsure.

PART 2
Analogy: Because of a moment of impulse, I bought a cue. The outlook is not too bad and I like the feeling of holding it. I can see that its going to brace through many many competitions with me. I did not look at the brand and the records of its manufacturer coz I thought my instincts cant be wrong.

After a few games with my newly acquired billard cue, I notice something wrong and I found out that the cue is bent.. so sad....sobz... I sent it back to where it belong and the seller told me that he would exchange another for mi or I have to wait for 2 weeks while he put some weight on the cue and let it straighten by itself.

I look at him and told him instantaneously, I will wait since I really like that cue and its fated we found each other. The seller shook his head and added, "Cant you see there is a flaw and I am not sure if I can make it right? Why not just choose another one? Save yourself the trouble and save me the pressure?"

Surprised by his words........... blink blink..."hmmmm... *ponders*"

*To be continued....*

Your bee-u-ti-ful name here :D